The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
