a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Who died my cat blue again?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
