thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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