Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
