trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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