I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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