My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
did you just send me my own nude
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
