You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
