Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
