carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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