woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
