Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize