Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
