I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize