fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
