The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
