If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
