I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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