i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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