no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
