ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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