I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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