i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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