Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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