We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize