My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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