i just had sex bonerless
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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