if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i out mim tonsoeep
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
