It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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