after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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