Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
