ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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