i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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