im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
