home. puking in laundry basket.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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