I am puke
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
