Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
