You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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