Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
