i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize