In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
