No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
