Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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