Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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