People in love make me want to vomit
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
someone owes me an orgasm
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
