So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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