So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
