Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
