I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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