Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
