I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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