We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
