giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my shit smells like andre
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
