Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
