just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
