M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
