the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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