The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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