just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
