my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
