coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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