And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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