I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
