so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
