The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
