I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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