I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
