so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
