After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
