I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
