this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
