You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
zippers are such a cool invention
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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