You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
