brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
