ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize