He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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