we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize