i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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