I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
