I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
