Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
