Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
