I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
