I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
