yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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