Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
