I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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