im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
