Are we in a gay sports bar?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize