Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize