So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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