Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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