I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a hot homeless man
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm both gender and math confused
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
