so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
