Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
