DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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