I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
