whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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