I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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