would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
