Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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