so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
