Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
