I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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