i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
