I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
