another moral hangover. fuck.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
