hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
