I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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