You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
